Facebook Poison

Facebook, just like video games, should be limited to a certain amount of time per day. China has implemented this new policy. Wait, China doesn’t even allow Facebook. WHAT? Yep, you heard me right. Personally I am only on Facebook in the middle of the night, when no one is online, and only for a very short amount of time. I actually have been spending less time on Facebook, less posting, and less reading. I can get my news from The New York Times, YouTube news, CNN, and many other news commentary. I can type in a news website directly and NOT have to find out about something via a Facebook newsfeed.


So evidently, Facebook went dark for five hours the other day and everyone freaked the fuck out. Oh no, I can’t cyberstalk anymore. I have to actually get back to work. Well, SOME people claimed they NEED Facebook just to work. No. They don’t.  So here is something to chew on for a minute, … what if, Facebook disappears one day, just like Friendster and MySpace? Do you have the phone numbers or email addresses of your family and friends? Well, some of them you probably do, but others you don’t, and the more you think about it, you probably are better off without them. Now that Facebook is back online, you might want to think about registering some of those other websites with an actual email address and password, rather than your Facebook login avatar. Those little plugins sure are convenient, … as long as Facebook is online. Billion dollar company and they lose millions in advertisement revenue. Have you noticed the plethora of sponsored ads you are seeing now? After about fifteen minutes of sponsored ads I just had to close the app. Criteria? Male 18-65 living in the US. So basically they are spamming everyone. So, when you see those ads, make sure you hide the ad and hide the advertiser forever.


I have personally discovered Facebook spying on me. Yep it is true. I started watching Game of Thrones and I have not once looked up anything online on my computer or phone and guess what just showed up in my newsfeed. Yep, you got it. Game of Thrones shit. WTF. So, tell me, how on earth could Facebook know I am watching Game of Thrones, which I purchased … not watching through a smart tv or HBO Max? The app is using the microphone to spy on my activities while I am not using the app. WTF. So, guess what, the phone is no longer in the same room with me and if it rings my apple watch will notify me. But that doesn’t solve the REAL issue. My privacy. Did I give Facebook permission to use the microphone to listen and analyze what I am doing? No. Another solution would be to just delete the app from my phone all together and only access Facebook from a computer with a VPN active. You hear that Facebook? Well, thousands and thousands of my readers heard me and right now they are thinking the exact same thing. I don’t need you Facebook. But you need us. Their outage the other day is going to cost them more than just ad revenue. People are going to wake up and get tired of being bombarded by stupid fucking ads and just stop using the app all together. And let’s be honest, you really don’t need to tell the entire fucking world every event play by play in your life. You really are not that interesting. There is a thing called group text you can use that will update the people who actually want to hear from you. You might notice I am not posting as much on Facebook, for a variety of reasons. I’m really not that interesting either … entertaining maybe. Sometimes life can be perfectly okay without having to share it with anyone on a smartphone or computer. Are you taking those photos of your vacation for you or for your followers? Because most of your followers secretly hate you when you brag about how great your semi-ordinary life is. I see all the bad photoshop apps that are producing shitty results and I just laugh. When your nose disappears and you have no pores it is the first sign of a bad photoshop job. Just be you. You can’t fool anyone in real life. Those extra pounds and that turkey neck can only hide under a turtleneck. 666. That is the magic number of calories you can eat at each meal, if you only ate 3 times a day. You can drink that in your morning coffee and creamer without even blinking.


Venom 2 released this past weekend and is currently the number 1 movie in the world. If you liked the first one, you will like the sequel. Addams Family sequel also came out and it was cute, but the plot was kind of lame. They go on a family vacation. Sorry if that ruined it for you, but you’re not a ten year old child and you probably aren’t going to take your kids. But when it comes out on video or Redbox, you should see it.

If you absolutely can’t stay away from Facebook, then start counting the sponsored ads in your newsfeed. When you see, 100 … will you consider closing it for a day? Excuse me while I disappear into the Game of Thrones.