Flawsome

Hey, … if no one hasn’t told you lately, you are flawsome. That is, you have flaws and you are still awesome. Right? Right. People don’t like to talk about their flaws, as some of them might be embarrassing. Some of them are things that you just simply refuse to give up … like smoking, drinking excess alcohol, swearing, taking the Lord’s name in vain … you get the idea. All of those things might be perceived as not so awesome. How much of that Halloween candy have you destroyed without even thinking of how much of that TURNS TO FAT. Fat is not a bad thing. In fact, it tastes delicious when marbleized in your steak. On your own hips, waist and buttocks, might not be so awesome. Some might call it a flaw. A small flaw, but still a flaw nonetheless.

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So what are some of the not so awesome things you do that maybe you could retrain yourself to change? How about starting with something simple like no soda pop for a week? No fast food for a month? Don’t kid yourself, McDonalds is shit food despite it tasting amazing. There is an entire documentary on it, Super Size Me. Watch it and you will change your ways. I love their French Fries, but I can buy GMO poison free fries at my Natural Grocer and then fry them myself in peanut oil, with no beef tallow in it. Stop dropping the F bomb. It just is in bad manners/taste. Retrain your mind to think positively. Welcome to your new world of amazing new thoughts and experiences.

Tell 3 people today that they are flawsome.

Sense of Smell

Isn’t it funny how your sense of smell is directly related to your sense of taste? If you can’t smell you can’t taste. So if you lose one, you actually lose twice. So if you didn’t know, losing your sense of smell is your first indication you might have contracted the virus. Sadly, many people never regain their sense of smell, and others will have it dramatically affected with nasty smells or rotten aromas in their place. I watched a YouTube interview where there is a small percentage that smell rotten onions and they can’t taste anything. A whole year has gone by and there are no nice smells in their near future. Ever.

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While there are a lot of theories where the virus came from I have not heard any that this was created from an alien entity. Like, this is only the beginning and the next phase, after most of the population is wiped out, is the invasion. I was really hoping that some talented writers would have come up with some cool new movie story lines. Chris Pratt is in the new one on Amazon Prime, Tomorrow War. If you have Amazon I highly recommend watching it. I saw it twice. It actually is pretty believable. It is not a virus wiping us out movie, it is an alien invasion wipe us out movie. Totally different.

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What I think is super scary is … what if parents DON’T take precautions, and in a matter of weeks, thousands and thousands of children die quickly. I think it is scary that people who got the vaccine, like Reba McIntire, still caught the virus. Yeah, you heard that right. You are not immune or totally protected unless you are hyper diligent in keeping everything sanitary and sterile. All the stores have Lysol/Clorox wipes in stock. It is like the world forgot to keep using them. Hand sanitizer is literally on clearance in thousands of stores. Stock up, it’s not like it will go bad and you will never use it.

I’m Hungry

What if … we only ate “IF” we were actually hungry? Not, hey it’s lunchtime, let’s go destroy a 1000 calories and top it off with some sugary ice cream that will spike our blood sugar. Has it ever dawned on you that maybe you don’t need to eat all those fatty sugary high carb foods? As a kid you ate because you were told to eat. Guess what? Kids today are getting fatter and fatter and their parents actually encourage it. We can’t totally blame the parents, as those kids have choices and they choose to overeat. 666. That’s how many calories you should eat at 3 meals a day, for each meal. THAT is 2000 calories. Wow, when you put it that way, that 1200 calorie Starbucks double whatever extra shot extra caramel wasn’t really worth it now that you only get one more meal for the day. Or just do whatever the F you want because you didn’t get the shot, you don’t believe you are going to die, because you are INVINCIBLE! There is no such thing as a virus. WRONG. You are reading this and finally getting it that you aren’t as healthy as you once thought you were. You don’t need that hot milked hormone laced Starbucks. If you didn’t know, ALL Starbucks fancy drinks are made with milk. That’s right. Not water. Years ago when I found out I stopped drinking those mochas. Hot milk makes me literally sick. You really have to tell almost every restaurant that serves you that you are vegan so you don’t get unwanted “stuff”.

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Cheese, milk, anything from a cow has hormones in it. You don’t NEED extra hormones in your system. There is this thing called the endocrine system that will be screwed up. So, if you didn’t know, a cow produces milk when she has a baby cow. We know that right. Well, when they steal the baby cow from the momma cow, she is emotionally traumatized. Her milk, intended for her baby, is now given to YOU, along with her sad tears and emotions that were created when she produced that milk. I know that sounds crazy, but have you ever thought that maybe your shitty emotions you are feeling aren’t really your fault. You ingested sad, hurtful emotions and it is affecting you accordingly. But since you don’t know that, you get pills from a doctor to combat it, but in turn it just makes things worse. Just try not eating dairy/beef for awhile and you will see a significant difference in your health and emotional well being. Chew on that. What you eat and drink affect how you feel. Wow. Go eat a happy strawberry, or a golden delicious apple. The natural sugar will make your heart smile.

I Hate My Body.

Did you know that every beautiful person hates something about their body? Well, except for true narcissists, because they are perfect. And before I share my thoughts, I am not bashing on anyone specifically, I’m bashing on everyone. Sadly there are many of us that were verbally abused by someone at a young age that had detrimental long term effects that caused us to hate “something” about ourselves. I am sure you have seen “Mean Girls” and there is the scene where the “perfect” girls all complain about something stupid about what they hate about themselves. I grew up in a small redneck town in Nebraska, so I was faced with racial comments. Not often, but it did happen. Which of course, you can imagine what racial body comments stupid kids would make. I don’t need to educate you on them.

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So I watched quite a few YouTube videos on how the Kardashians hate their body too. Yep, it is true. They edit almost every single photo, and as pointed out in the videos, not very well sometimes. AND they pay the paparazzi to edit their photos, so you don’t see any of their hail damage on their big fat asses. No way. Way. I love how they changed the modeling world standard and models aren’t anorexic stick figures. Let’s be real. It is super unrealistic to think that is healthy for someone to be super skinny. So don’t interpret the last post that you need to be a stick figure. You might just need to do a little fasting and watch what you’re eating, or drinking.

So my motto, and back in the early 2000’s was, “Flaunt if if you got it. Someone’s bound to like it. Flaunt it if you don’t, someone else will like it.” It would usually get a good laugh, but it is true. Just because you think something minor makes you imperfect, someone else might not even notice it until you brought it up. I’m short. I could live my whole life wishing I was 6′ tall. That isn’t something I can change, so why worry about it? Right? Exactly. So if you are overweight, and it bothers you. Then hang out with people that are heavier than you. Feeling old? Go hang out with OLDER people and all the of the sudden you’re the young one. Feeling insecure about your looks? You got it. Find some less than pretty friends so now you are always “The Hot One”. The world is full of sad, lonely, unattractive people. Go find one who has a dashing personality and lower your standards. But, beauty is still skin deep, so having a good skin routine should be part of your standards at any age.

And for the record, Toni Camp shamed me for having “no ass” in college, which forced me to do thousands of countless hours of stair-stepper exercises. While it was painful and in the long run, totally worth it. I can still remember and hear her laughing. Crazy how peer pressure, or a stray comment can effect/influence our decision making skills. I’ll admit that I have made quite a few comments to “friends” who should consider having their eyebrows threaded/done professionally. Make-up is a real life filter. It is crazy the number of people that feel the need to edit their photo/selfie before posting it. Adobe Photoshop used to be a coveted tool only for professionals, and now it is anyone with a smartphone. Aren’t you glad people are out in public and can’t edit their real life self? Except when they are using make-up.

Marvel’s “Loki” has me intrigued, but not recommending it to anyone yet. Black Widow releases July 9th, in theaters or for $30 on Disney+. So, invite a friend or two over and enjoy it at home like me.

10K Calories -> 100 or Less

So, would you like to know how you can go from 10,000+ calories a day to less than a hundred? So I don’t want to sound like Romy & Michelle, but I invented this fat free, basically calorie free diet that forced my body to shed all this excess fat/weight. “God I wish I had your willpower.” – Michelle Weinberger.

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When your body realizes you stopped giving it those fatty sugars, and no carbs it goes into survival mode and starts using those stored reserves. Yay, it’s that rainy day your body has been waiting for! I start by doing the 20 hour fast and then eating twice within a 4 hour window. I usually eat at 10 am and then 2 pm. I counted the calories and if you make an Asian wonton soup, with spinach, green onions and water chestnuts, it is less than 100 calories. Actually it is 78. Yes, you read that right.

Fill that InstantPot full of clean water and boil away. If you need some protein you can throw in a shrimp or two and it won’t add too many calories. You can mix it up with other vegetables to have some variety. You aren’t starving your body, and you won’t feel hungry. If you have added collagen to your daily coffee, that should also help give you a more “full” feeling. As a snack I eat almonds and sunflower seeds (only a handful). Almonds are a great source of magnesium and protein. Nut protein should always be your go to snack. Try this for as long as you can stand it.

A shout out to my new favorite YouTube personality, Thomas DeLauer. I highly suggest you check him out and watch a few videos. He is easy on the eyes also. He totally motivates me to grab the dumbells. I wish my biceps bulged like his.

If you want to make your soup more like hot and sour, splash in some Braggs apple cider vinegar and stir in an egg when it comes to a boil. The soup brand? I get it at the Asian market, Ocean Pacific, so it is pretty authentic. Dragon something? I think most of them are zero calories so pick one. Enjoy.

Yay it’s shark week! I just watched shark vs. tuna. Amazing. I love shark week. Crazy that they have been on this planet like forever.

Drop the Cookie

I was told once that I have no right whatsover to tell a parent how to raise their kids, BECAUSE (ready for it?) I have no kids of my own. Wait. What? Yep, that’s is what I was told. “F. You.” was my response. I have thousands of kids. All over the world that listen to me, read my words, thoughts, and my children’s book. In fact, thousands of parents read MY book to their kids every night. Hmm. When was the last time you actually read to YOUR kid? That’s right. I’m actually a better parent by spreading my secret messages to those kids daily. If you were to ask a kid what he/she learned from the book, each one will give you a totally different answer. Why? When you have multiple personalities working things out like adults, different messages are conveyed. When was the last time you actually taught your kid something good? Be nice. Be NICER. Be kind. Be kinder. Millions of parents “think” they are good parents, when in reality, … they are not.

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You don’t have to be an expert in relationships to see when a child is begging for attention and instead gets a tablet or iPad and told to go play quietly. There should be a metric scorecard for parents. Like, how much time and attention did you spend with your child today? What did you teach your child today? If you were to die tomorrow, what part of your legacy would your child remember? Do your kids know your parents and grandparents “dating” story? Society puts so much emphasis on education, but what they forget is that most of those foundation core beliefs start at home, in the home, with parents who really ARE good parents. Go watch the movie “Bad Moms”. It is hilarious. I love that movie. I could watch it over and over and never get tired of it. Why? Well, I love love love the actresses in it. And it makes me laugh. I’m not a bad mom, or a bad dad. I don’t make kids cry. I make them laugh and feel good about themselves.

Anyway, so why the blog about cookies? Well, I think that someone needs to tell YOUR kids to stop eating all the sugar. Cookies, candy, brownies, cheesecake, …whatever it is that is full of calories that is doing the body long term detrimental degenerative damage. Newsflash – sugar is bad for you. Processed sugar is even worse, because it tricks the body. I have heard hundreds of people say they lost tons of weight JUST by cutting out the soda pop. Coke. Root beer. Whatever. And don’t think you are doing yourself justice by switching to diet poison. Aspertame is EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL. I don’t even have to go into all the horrible things it does to your body. You can ask Siri, Alexa or Google and all 3 of them will tell you how you will die if you eat it. Seriously. Stop it. Drink water. If you don’t like the taste, you can do Welch’s fruit flavoring like me. Cucumber water. Lemon water. Your body and complexion will thank you. Do not add sugar to that water. No you don’t need lemonade. You need lemon water to balance your acidity/ph levels.

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So that 2000 a day calorie guide is just a guide. Some people need less. Some need a little more. I think if you are eating vegetables and drinking water all day long you don’t need to count the calories. Why? Uhm, water has none. Oh. Duh. That frap from Starbucks. 900 calories. Each. That 20 piece chicken nugget from McDonalds, 1000 calories. Large fries and large coke. Damn. There goes your daily everything. Just don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Did you know those fries are sprayed with some sort of “dextrose” or sugar to make them so delicious/fattening. So just for fun, count your daily “average” calories and see what number you came up with. And Dr. Now says NO ONE gets a 10,000 a day calorie count. And trust me, it is super easy to hit 10,000 calories and even harder to get 10k steps in to counter it. Speaking of walking and steps, after THREE faulty Fitbits, I have advanced to the apple watch with no regrets. I hate having to charge it almost daily, but it always works, I can answer my phone with it, just like Dick Tracy, and I always have it with me, unlike my phone.

And on a side note, Brittany Spears writes a hit song “I’m a SLAVE for you” but then begs to be freed. I’m all about sending proactive messages to the Universe. You should listen to her lyrics. Here are a few that I wanted to share with you.

I’m a slave 4 U
I cannot hold it
I cannot control it
I’m a slave 4 U
I won’t deny it
I’m not trying to hide it

Rich people problems. Right? Poor people problems: Damn, groceries, gas, utilities are killing my paycheck. In the USA it’s Independence Day (4th of July) weekend. Be safe, be cool, be real. And if you are a friend or follower on Facebook, I literally have given up on that platform. No one sees my posts due to their algorithm so why bother. Amazon Prime members get access on to Evil (formerly on CBS) for free! You don’t have to pay for the Paramount app. Just go to the Amazon prime app and then channels. Boom. There it is for free. Streaming every Sunday, this season it is crazy wild. Episode 1 & 2 available now. If you have Disney+, Luca is a cool new animated movie that went straight to Disney+. It’s about a sea monster who turns into a little boy out of water. No, it is not a rip off of the Little Mermaid. You’ll like it.

2000 A Day

2000 calories a day. That is all we are “recommended” to eat on a daily basis. Says who? Oh, the doctors, the professionals, Dr. Now (from My 600 pound life), dietitians, athletic people, coaches … basically everyone. Okay, cool. So why a blog about it? Because, everyone, including me is kind of going over that daily allotment and the world, as a whole, is getting fatter. It’s not healthy, it’s unattractive, and frankly someone needs to say something.

Do you enjoy being fat? Do you like your clothes not fitting nicely? As my fat manager from AT&T once said, “You don’t have to tell fat people they are fat. They know it. They just get used to it and deal with it. But please don’t remind us we are fat.” I thought this was hilarious, as I used the exact same analogy for when an employee is late. It’s not like that employee all of the sudden looked up and said “Oh shit, I need to be at work like ten minutes ago.” Well, maybe some do, but more normal people know when they are supposed to be somewhere, like work … where the schedule is usually the same and the days off are also the same. In all fairness though, once I didn’t show up to work until 8 hours later, I was coded “No call no show”, but when I came in to “close” due to a schedule mix up/change, it was A-OKAY. Simple mistake. No need to fire Aaron.

So, back to those 2000 calories. Well, when Arby’s put out that orange dreamsicle shake it was like, … a dream for me. I had one, or two a day. OMG so good. And yes, I kept eating like I was a growing teenager, eating whenever I wanted. Surprise, Dr. Now says you cannot eat 10,000 calories a day. What? No way. Yes. Way. Stop it. No chips. No sugary sodas. Some people can drink that ALL DAY LONG. You might as well just put an IV directly into your veins pumping in that much sugar all day long. Sugar is in everything. It is almost impossible to buy anything without sugar, … at a gas station convenience store. Red Bull and Monster drinks are totally off limits. Damn. I really liked my Red Bull vodkas back in the day, but you can imagine what that does to your system. An upper and an downer at once.

So like most people locked up during COVID and no one to see my beach body, I packed on the pounds. No way. Way. Like 20 pounds. Can you imagine me 20 pounds heavier? Damn, I’d be almost as fat as my twin brother. Wait, he’s fatter than that. My abs turned to “flabs”. Fat – abs. Or so they say on Botched. So I needed to do something drastic, and unfortunately for me, those dreamsicle shakes had to go. I started by putting keto creamer in my coffee, which has MCT, grassfed butter, and Himalayan salt in it, which turbo charges your metabolism and helps you to burn fat faster. I also switched to a 24 hour fasting, which was kind of hard at first but the results have been amazing. I am happy to report that I shed those 20ish pounds and my 6 pack is ready for summer. I won’t bore you with the medical science behind keto diets, fasting, and putting MCT in your coffee daily. There are a ton of YouTube videos that will educate you nicely. IF you are going to start a fasting program, read/research the do’s and don’t so you don’t accidentally damage yourself. Switch to sunflower seeds as your go to snack. Drop those Twizzlers and Snickers. Switch to some variation of green tea. Lemons and honey are good for you.

“Watch it wiggle. See it jiggle. Cool and fruity.” J.E.L.L.O.

Have you seen Goonies? Yeah, you don’t want to do the truffle shuffle either. Lose the fat. You don’t have to do a hundred sit ups, but you could maybe start with 10. 10 sit ups, not 10 jellos.

Why Fitbit is my new best friend.

Hello new friend. You motivate me. You make me smile. I jump out of bed and immediately see how long we were sleeping together. I am so thankful you wake me up with a gentle little buzz, reminding me I have a whole day of exercise ahead of me. I love how you have friends that connect easily with our smartphones. I love our walks together. I stay competitive and march to a new beat. I am healthy. I have invested well in my future and healthy happiness. When I have to let you go, even for a few hours to charge your batteries, I feel lonely and lost without you. Thanks for always being there for me, making me stay on the move. Fitbit, you’re the best! I love you.