Shame On You

I am not talking YOU personally should be shamed for doing or saying something, I am saying, have you been shamed? Fat-shamed? Look-shamed? Thin-shamed? SOMEONE at some point made you feel ashamed. Of course you have. Everyone in some fashion or another is made fun of by a bully or jerk. Maybe it was Miranda Priestly who made fun of your ugly blue sweater or your nasty black shoes, or maybe it was a coworker that laughed at your choice of handbag or backpack? Or as I mentioned in prior posts maybe it was a bro or a sister that felt he/she had to give their two cents. Guess what, you also have been discriminated against.

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OR maybe YOU were the person throwing shade. It happens. You can’t help it, you laugh at someone’s ugly fashion disaster and post it on social media as a meme. While it might sound I am condemning this type of behavior, it actually is a strong motivational factor when persuading people to improve their looks. Of course we can’t all look like super models, but you can get rid of that double chin and muffin top. Sometimes I see really unattractive people I and just wonder if they don’t have mirrors in their house. Hey if you never looked in a mirror you wouldn’t ever know you were unattractive, right? In theory that is.

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Have you done any research on fasting? Sure the first 24 hours is the hardest, but just imagine how the reality stars of Naked and Afraid tough it out. When you have a lower body fat percentage your face starts to get thinner and you lose that double chin. And if you suck in your cheeks in selfies, you appear to have a chiseled jaw/face. Swallow and hold … and your neck all of the sudden has had a neck lift. Wow. Magic. Nope, just selfie tricks. You literally only have to hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.

And a shout out to “Nothing Bunt Cakes” in Westminster Colorado. You can buy a single person cake for like $5. So I bought 4. Yes I know they are all empty delicious calories, but everyone deserves a birthday cake or 4.

Racism Is Not Skin Color

Wait, what? The last post was about skin color, and the whiteness or darkness of it, and now you’re saying that is not racism. Nope. It’s just plain hate. Hatism, is what it should really be called. Racism is actually hating someone’s culture that is not like your own. We all watch television and movies and we know there are other people in this world that live very different lives than our own.

So while everyone was covered face to toe, and it was impossible to unlock your iPhone before the apple watch update, your mask sunglasses and ballcap could very easily hide your identity, and most specifically your race or ethnic background. So if you are totally hidden with your facial features, how can someone know what race you are when they plan on attacking you? It is the way you walk, the way you talk, and most specifically your accent. Most mid-west Americans do not have an accent and it is very difficult to tell where they are from, like what state or country they grew up.Fortunately for me, I love doing accents. Accents are just another form of acting, imitation and all you really have to do is think of someone who has that accent and pretend to be them. Of course, knowing how to position your tongue when you speak is important. If you ever took a Spanish class you will know you have to ROLLLLL your R’sssss.

My Russian accent is probably one of my favorites. One of my friends thought I was hilarious and said I really had it down. Why Russian? I asked if he had ever heard of a Russian masked guy getting the shit beat out of him for just walking down the street? No? Yeah, me neither. Although I was told by another friend that even with my sunglasses and mask on, he could still see my bad ass eyebrows that make me look sinister. Sweet. I could play a villain in a movie.

Beauty is Skin … Color?

Do you know what “colorism” is? Yes, you got it. It is the discrimination of your skin color WITHIN your own racial ethnic group. WTF. Seriously. Now, this is not a black thing, or an Asian thing, or even an Indian thing. Because it happens in ALL of those people. Now I know you white folk are scratching your head wondering WTF I am even talking about right? Right. Basically the whiter/lighter your skin the “better” you are as a person and therefore much more attractive. Yeah, I know, I don’t quite get it either. My skin has always been brown. In my culture (the USA), being a golden tan/brown is a sign of luxury and wealth. Because you have all the time in the world to lay in the sun on your yacht, beach, or private pool and just … get tan. Shit we even pay money to go to tanning beds to get even darker. Guilty. I think I look great with a tan. Nope. Not in all societies. In fact, if I was back in say, Singapore, some people might think I was “the help”. Or worse, I work in the rice fields picking rice. Although, in my personal experience most people don’t think I am poor, or uneducated, or a servant because of my looks. Usually people look at me and wonder if I am doing botox or something. Yep, today is the anniversary of the date of my birth. 48 and fabulous. I will be eating all you can eat crab tonight in Blackhawk and then gambling at the tables. Wish me luck.

I actually saw a picture of me a few years ago with my twin brother and it was not so flattering. I think that is because I was starting to lose my hair and it was clearly evident to me. As soon as I hit my 30’s I started taking a vested interest in my health, well being and spiritual enlightenment. So within the black community, they have a standard they use for “acceptance” within their own groups. It is called the brown paper bag test. You put it up to your arm, and if you are darker than the brown paper bag then you aint getting in. So I put a brown cardboard box up to my arm, and they look the same. Like, literally if I had a concealer shade made for me they would have to call it “Brown Paper Bag”. I know, how depressing right? I guess if given the test I might pass.

My K pop friends might be nice and educate me on which skin whitening product is best. Skin whitening? Yes, it is a real thing. It actually is a billion dollar industry, right up there with cosmetic surgery. There is a plethora of YouTube videos on debunking celebrities and their beauty secrets. If it isn’t a filter, PhotoShop fail, or FaceTune app, it is probably plastic surgery. Go search on Madonna’s plastic surgery, Gwen Stefani, and Zac Efron. Sometimes it is something minor like removing the fat over the eye. Other times it is a whole new jaw/face. While you are searching on celebs you should also search colorism. It actually is kind of fascinating if you know nothing about it. I didn’t even know it existed. Am I going to whiten my skin? No. I am going to keep it out of the sun and use sunscreen daily. In all my years, I have never once had anyone comment on the color of my skin or even how dark or light it is. I do get comments on how youthful and tight it looks. As I have aged I have become obsessed with having great looking skin. Because it is what I have to look at every time I look in a mirror so I might as well be happy with what I have right? The secret to looking young is having amazing young looking skin. When you are healthy and in your prime, your skin literally glows. When you are sick and dying, you can see it in the color of your skin in your face. Pale. Ghostly. Lack of any color or pigment. Yeah, you know what I mean. Eat your green leafy vegetables. Drink your filtered water. Get lots of sleep. Take naps. I do. I love them.

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And in case you forgot, the new Zelda remake Nintendo Switch game released today! Excuse me while I adventure off in the land of Hyrule.

Message from a Higher Power

So this morning in meditation I was given a message to direct to my readers. If you are vax’d (meaning you have both of your shots), then you cannot let your guard down, especially if you “might” be around someone who is not (like your kids). Don’t you think it is a little strange that nursing homes were on lockdown to protect them from an infected person, yet people who have just ONE shot, are walking around with no mask. They don’t realize or think that they might accidentally contract the virus and bring it home to their unprotected kids and pets. Yes, pets are also at risk.

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You still need to wash your hands, use sanitizer and stop touching doors and stop touching your face. Seriously, there is all kinds of nasty stuff on your hands that you can’t see. And if you haven’t bought one yet, an ozone generator is still the best and safest way to kill coronavirus. You will live a lifetime of nightmares if you are directly responsible for killing your own child with your carelessness. (Not my words, just the messenger.)

And while we are on safety public announcements, you may have noticed an uptick in blown tires all over the highway, cars abandoned sitting on jacks. Do you know why? No Aaron, why? Because, it’s fucking hot out, the roads are burning and people who don’t rotate or check their tires are at risk. Bald tires on hot asphalt going 75+ mph are going to have a blow out and probably an accident. Do yourself a favor and just CHECK your tires to make sure you have plenty of tread. It actually is more important now that is so hot versus in the winter. Frozen tires don’t explode. Also I strongly suggest you pay attention to what is ON the road as shit falls off trucks all the time, including pallets of wood and their remains. You hit one of those with shitty tires and you are going to be pissed off. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I rotate my tires every oil change, you should too. If you don’t know how to change a tire, get roadside assistance, available on every cell phone plan for a small fee. Some credit cards offer it for free, like American Express platinum and every single MasterCard Elite or Visa Signature. They will change your tire, tow your car, and even bring you a gallon of gas if you run out. And if you are a dumb ass and lock your keys in the car while it is running, they will send a locksmith for free. Don’t judge, it’s happened to the best of us, at the worst of times.

Pondering on whether or not you should see Marvel’s new Black Widow? I am not going to review it, but I will say that I watched it twice, with 2 friends, so we totally got value out of Disney+ premiere at home. Strong female action heroes! I loved it.

My 48th birthday is this Friday and Nintendo is celebrating with me by launching the remake Zelda Sky something! Yay! It’s the older game where you fly on a bird to get to different regions. Go buy and download it now so it will be activated and ready for you on Friday.

I Hate My Body.

Did you know that every beautiful person hates something about their body? Well, except for true narcissists, because they are perfect. And before I share my thoughts, I am not bashing on anyone specifically, I’m bashing on everyone. Sadly there are many of us that were verbally abused by someone at a young age that had detrimental long term effects that caused us to hate “something” about ourselves. I am sure you have seen “Mean Girls” and there is the scene where the “perfect” girls all complain about something stupid about what they hate about themselves. I grew up in a small redneck town in Nebraska, so I was faced with racial comments. Not often, but it did happen. Which of course, you can imagine what racial body comments stupid kids would make. I don’t need to educate you on them.

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So I watched quite a few YouTube videos on how the Kardashians hate their body too. Yep, it is true. They edit almost every single photo, and as pointed out in the videos, not very well sometimes. AND they pay the paparazzi to edit their photos, so you don’t see any of their hail damage on their big fat asses. No way. Way. I love how they changed the modeling world standard and models aren’t anorexic stick figures. Let’s be real. It is super unrealistic to think that is healthy for someone to be super skinny. So don’t interpret the last post that you need to be a stick figure. You might just need to do a little fasting and watch what you’re eating, or drinking.

So my motto, and back in the early 2000’s was, “Flaunt if if you got it. Someone’s bound to like it. Flaunt it if you don’t, someone else will like it.” It would usually get a good laugh, but it is true. Just because you think something minor makes you imperfect, someone else might not even notice it until you brought it up. I’m short. I could live my whole life wishing I was 6′ tall. That isn’t something I can change, so why worry about it? Right? Exactly. So if you are overweight, and it bothers you. Then hang out with people that are heavier than you. Feeling old? Go hang out with OLDER people and all the of the sudden you’re the young one. Feeling insecure about your looks? You got it. Find some less than pretty friends so now you are always “The Hot One”. The world is full of sad, lonely, unattractive people. Go find one who has a dashing personality and lower your standards. But, beauty is still skin deep, so having a good skin routine should be part of your standards at any age.

And for the record, Toni Camp shamed me for having “no ass” in college, which forced me to do thousands of countless hours of stair-stepper exercises. While it was painful and in the long run, totally worth it. I can still remember and hear her laughing. Crazy how peer pressure, or a stray comment can effect/influence our decision making skills. I’ll admit that I have made quite a few comments to “friends” who should consider having their eyebrows threaded/done professionally. Make-up is a real life filter. It is crazy the number of people that feel the need to edit their photo/selfie before posting it. Adobe Photoshop used to be a coveted tool only for professionals, and now it is anyone with a smartphone. Aren’t you glad people are out in public and can’t edit their real life self? Except when they are using make-up.

Marvel’s “Loki” has me intrigued, but not recommending it to anyone yet. Black Widow releases July 9th, in theaters or for $30 on Disney+. So, invite a friend or two over and enjoy it at home like me.

10K Calories -> 100 or Less

So, would you like to know how you can go from 10,000+ calories a day to less than a hundred? So I don’t want to sound like Romy & Michelle, but I invented this fat free, basically calorie free diet that forced my body to shed all this excess fat/weight. “God I wish I had your willpower.” – Michelle Weinberger.

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When your body realizes you stopped giving it those fatty sugars, and no carbs it goes into survival mode and starts using those stored reserves. Yay, it’s that rainy day your body has been waiting for! I start by doing the 20 hour fast and then eating twice within a 4 hour window. I usually eat at 10 am and then 2 pm. I counted the calories and if you make an Asian wonton soup, with spinach, green onions and water chestnuts, it is less than 100 calories. Actually it is 78. Yes, you read that right.

Fill that InstantPot full of clean water and boil away. If you need some protein you can throw in a shrimp or two and it won’t add too many calories. You can mix it up with other vegetables to have some variety. You aren’t starving your body, and you won’t feel hungry. If you have added collagen to your daily coffee, that should also help give you a more “full” feeling. As a snack I eat almonds and sunflower seeds (only a handful). Almonds are a great source of magnesium and protein. Nut protein should always be your go to snack. Try this for as long as you can stand it.

A shout out to my new favorite YouTube personality, Thomas DeLauer. I highly suggest you check him out and watch a few videos. He is easy on the eyes also. He totally motivates me to grab the dumbells. I wish my biceps bulged like his.

If you want to make your soup more like hot and sour, splash in some Braggs apple cider vinegar and stir in an egg when it comes to a boil. The soup brand? I get it at the Asian market, Ocean Pacific, so it is pretty authentic. Dragon something? I think most of them are zero calories so pick one. Enjoy.

Yay it’s shark week! I just watched shark vs. tuna. Amazing. I love shark week. Crazy that they have been on this planet like forever.

Drop the Cookie

I was told once that I have no right whatsover to tell a parent how to raise their kids, BECAUSE (ready for it?) I have no kids of my own. Wait. What? Yep, that’s is what I was told. “F. You.” was my response. I have thousands of kids. All over the world that listen to me, read my words, thoughts, and my children’s book. In fact, thousands of parents read MY book to their kids every night. Hmm. When was the last time you actually read to YOUR kid? That’s right. I’m actually a better parent by spreading my secret messages to those kids daily. If you were to ask a kid what he/she learned from the book, each one will give you a totally different answer. Why? When you have multiple personalities working things out like adults, different messages are conveyed. When was the last time you actually taught your kid something good? Be nice. Be NICER. Be kind. Be kinder. Millions of parents “think” they are good parents, when in reality, … they are not.

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You don’t have to be an expert in relationships to see when a child is begging for attention and instead gets a tablet or iPad and told to go play quietly. There should be a metric scorecard for parents. Like, how much time and attention did you spend with your child today? What did you teach your child today? If you were to die tomorrow, what part of your legacy would your child remember? Do your kids know your parents and grandparents “dating” story? Society puts so much emphasis on education, but what they forget is that most of those foundation core beliefs start at home, in the home, with parents who really ARE good parents. Go watch the movie “Bad Moms”. It is hilarious. I love that movie. I could watch it over and over and never get tired of it. Why? Well, I love love love the actresses in it. And it makes me laugh. I’m not a bad mom, or a bad dad. I don’t make kids cry. I make them laugh and feel good about themselves.

Anyway, so why the blog about cookies? Well, I think that someone needs to tell YOUR kids to stop eating all the sugar. Cookies, candy, brownies, cheesecake, …whatever it is that is full of calories that is doing the body long term detrimental degenerative damage. Newsflash – sugar is bad for you. Processed sugar is even worse, because it tricks the body. I have heard hundreds of people say they lost tons of weight JUST by cutting out the soda pop. Coke. Root beer. Whatever. And don’t think you are doing yourself justice by switching to diet poison. Aspertame is EVIL. EVIL EVIL EVIL. I don’t even have to go into all the horrible things it does to your body. You can ask Siri, Alexa or Google and all 3 of them will tell you how you will die if you eat it. Seriously. Stop it. Drink water. If you don’t like the taste, you can do Welch’s fruit flavoring like me. Cucumber water. Lemon water. Your body and complexion will thank you. Do not add sugar to that water. No you don’t need lemonade. You need lemon water to balance your acidity/ph levels.

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So that 2000 a day calorie guide is just a guide. Some people need less. Some need a little more. I think if you are eating vegetables and drinking water all day long you don’t need to count the calories. Why? Uhm, water has none. Oh. Duh. That frap from Starbucks. 900 calories. Each. That 20 piece chicken nugget from McDonalds, 1000 calories. Large fries and large coke. Damn. There goes your daily everything. Just don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Did you know those fries are sprayed with some sort of “dextrose” or sugar to make them so delicious/fattening. So just for fun, count your daily “average” calories and see what number you came up with. And Dr. Now says NO ONE gets a 10,000 a day calorie count. And trust me, it is super easy to hit 10,000 calories and even harder to get 10k steps in to counter it. Speaking of walking and steps, after THREE faulty Fitbits, I have advanced to the apple watch with no regrets. I hate having to charge it almost daily, but it always works, I can answer my phone with it, just like Dick Tracy, and I always have it with me, unlike my phone.

And on a side note, Brittany Spears writes a hit song “I’m a SLAVE for you” but then begs to be freed. I’m all about sending proactive messages to the Universe. You should listen to her lyrics. Here are a few that I wanted to share with you.

I’m a slave 4 U
I cannot hold it
I cannot control it
I’m a slave 4 U
I won’t deny it
I’m not trying to hide it

Rich people problems. Right? Poor people problems: Damn, groceries, gas, utilities are killing my paycheck. In the USA it’s Independence Day (4th of July) weekend. Be safe, be cool, be real. And if you are a friend or follower on Facebook, I literally have given up on that platform. No one sees my posts due to their algorithm so why bother. Amazon Prime members get access on to Evil (formerly on CBS) for free! You don’t have to pay for the Paramount app. Just go to the Amazon prime app and then channels. Boom. There it is for free. Streaming every Sunday, this season it is crazy wild. Episode 1 & 2 available now. If you have Disney+, Luca is a cool new animated movie that went straight to Disney+. It’s about a sea monster who turns into a little boy out of water. No, it is not a rip off of the Little Mermaid. You’ll like it.

M.Y.O.B.

I don’t know about you, but I think it has been a really long time since anyone told another person to mind their own business. Yeah? I hear a lot of people telling other people to STFU, but not to mind their own business. For instance, is it ANYONE’s business what you do in your own house? In the privacy of your bathroom? No. It’s not. Then why do some “groups” feel they have the right to be YOUR mommy or daddy? That’s right. They don’t.

The next time someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, simple reply “Why do you want to know?” and smile, or smirk. Show that person that is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. When someone calls you and asks what you are doing, ask them. Why do you want to know? Do I all of the sudden report to you? Are you my mommy or daddy? Nope. Then GTFO. I’m not telling. It’s none of your business.

When I was working in the corporate world, I would have people calling me all the time asking what I was doing. Why? They actually wanted my time and didn’t want to interrupt. Once when asked that I said, “I’m baking a cake. What’s your favorite?” That was my boss who called that time. Oops. We had a good laugh. Sometimes I will just flat out ask “What do you want? Or why are you bothering me?” Let’s skip the formalities of being nice, obviously he/she wants something so just spit it out.

It is perfectly okay to tell people to mind their own business. I tell people that all the time. Imagine what the world would be like if people weren’t always sticking their nose in someone else’s business. Wow. It might be like, living in a Buddha zen garden. Peaceful. Quiet. How often do YOU feel the need to micromanage someone? Why? Let him/her live in peace for just one day.

Real Life Fairy Tale

Seeing is believing, right? Well, here is a video I captured with my night time security camera. A real live fairy caught in an invisible cobweb. The fairy and the web cannot be seen without the night time camera. I watched it for several hours tonight before finally freeing it. When the sun comes up I wouldn’t be able to see it. So as you watch it, you will see me coming out of the house looking at my phone. If you look closely you will see there are also about a dozen little fairies hanging down at the bottom of the cobweb tail near the ground. At first there was only a couple, but as the fairy couldn’t get free, he/she called for help and more came to the rescue, only to be caught as well.

Do you believe in magic and fairies? Create a fairy garden and you too will have these magical beings protecting your home and garden.

“I believe in fairies! I believe in fairies!”

2000 A Day

2000 calories a day. That is all we are “recommended” to eat on a daily basis. Says who? Oh, the doctors, the professionals, Dr. Now (from My 600 pound life), dietitians, athletic people, coaches … basically everyone. Okay, cool. So why a blog about it? Because, everyone, including me is kind of going over that daily allotment and the world, as a whole, is getting fatter. It’s not healthy, it’s unattractive, and frankly someone needs to say something.

Do you enjoy being fat? Do you like your clothes not fitting nicely? As my fat manager from AT&T once said, “You don’t have to tell fat people they are fat. They know it. They just get used to it and deal with it. But please don’t remind us we are fat.” I thought this was hilarious, as I used the exact same analogy for when an employee is late. It’s not like that employee all of the sudden looked up and said “Oh shit, I need to be at work like ten minutes ago.” Well, maybe some do, but more normal people know when they are supposed to be somewhere, like work … where the schedule is usually the same and the days off are also the same. In all fairness though, once I didn’t show up to work until 8 hours later, I was coded “No call no show”, but when I came in to “close” due to a schedule mix up/change, it was A-OKAY. Simple mistake. No need to fire Aaron.

So, back to those 2000 calories. Well, when Arby’s put out that orange dreamsicle shake it was like, … a dream for me. I had one, or two a day. OMG so good. And yes, I kept eating like I was a growing teenager, eating whenever I wanted. Surprise, Dr. Now says you cannot eat 10,000 calories a day. What? No way. Yes. Way. Stop it. No chips. No sugary sodas. Some people can drink that ALL DAY LONG. You might as well just put an IV directly into your veins pumping in that much sugar all day long. Sugar is in everything. It is almost impossible to buy anything without sugar, … at a gas station convenience store. Red Bull and Monster drinks are totally off limits. Damn. I really liked my Red Bull vodkas back in the day, but you can imagine what that does to your system. An upper and an downer at once.

So like most people locked up during COVID and no one to see my beach body, I packed on the pounds. No way. Way. Like 20 pounds. Can you imagine me 20 pounds heavier? Damn, I’d be almost as fat as my twin brother. Wait, he’s fatter than that. My abs turned to “flabs”. Fat – abs. Or so they say on Botched. So I needed to do something drastic, and unfortunately for me, those dreamsicle shakes had to go. I started by putting keto creamer in my coffee, which has MCT, grassfed butter, and Himalayan salt in it, which turbo charges your metabolism and helps you to burn fat faster. I also switched to a 24 hour fasting, which was kind of hard at first but the results have been amazing. I am happy to report that I shed those 20ish pounds and my 6 pack is ready for summer. I won’t bore you with the medical science behind keto diets, fasting, and putting MCT in your coffee daily. There are a ton of YouTube videos that will educate you nicely. IF you are going to start a fasting program, read/research the do’s and don’t so you don’t accidentally damage yourself. Switch to sunflower seeds as your go to snack. Drop those Twizzlers and Snickers. Switch to some variation of green tea. Lemons and honey are good for you.

“Watch it wiggle. See it jiggle. Cool and fruity.” J.E.L.L.O.

Have you seen Goonies? Yeah, you don’t want to do the truffle shuffle either. Lose the fat. You don’t have to do a hundred sit ups, but you could maybe start with 10. 10 sit ups, not 10 jellos.