Life 360

It’s time for a shout out! There is this really cool app called Life 360. If you have any family members, like kids, spouses, siblings, whatever and you want to keep tabs on him/her, then you install the Life360 app for all your peeps. Yes, it is like big brother watching you, where you are, and even giving you notifications when someone arrives, but it also gives you a peace of mind knowing where that person is. Yes, the iPhone already has “Where is my iPhone”, but this works on any smartphone. What this app also has is “crash detection”, and roadside assistance with the gold membership. So if you are paying for roadside through AAA or your cell phone, you should cancel those and use this app instead.
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While experiencing a blow out today, I called American Express platinum to find out they eliminated that nice handy benefit. No roadside. WTF right? They give you free everything, except towing your car. They told me I could use my Uber benefit. I asked if Uber all of the sudden towed cars. No, I can’t use that when my car is stranded on the side of the road during rush hour traffic. So luckily I remembered Life 360 has roadside and they sent a tow truck right away. They told me due to to COVID that I could not ride with the driver and I should call an Uber. Again I laughed, and rolled my eyes. When the driver showed up, he gladly gave me a ride with my car. Life360 will also unlock your car if you accidentally lock those keys … again.

 

And in case you missed it, SENATOR Hickenlooper from Colorado has contracted COVID19. Yep. Alabama and Mississippi are out of ICU beds. And I will say it since the media isn’t. That motorcycle rally up in Sturgis 2 weeks ago is what is causing all this havoc. Not a single person masked up and then they traveled across the nation spreading disease. There is no congressional concern that kids are killed in school shootings, so why would there be a concern for a mask mandate? Exactly. It won’t be until someone important dies that people will actually do what is right.

And I lied. I actually love glitter. The more the better. Who doesn’t like a little sparkle in their life?

 

 

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Glitter Bomb

Imagine you were at a crowded event/space with thousands and thousands of people. “Most” everyone has the vaccine (you hope). And then imagine at some point in the middle of the … concert, a giant glitter bomb goes off from the stage and hits everyone with glitter, little pieces of shiny paper and almost everyone has a tiny bit of glam on them. People are happy, jumping around, and even dancing. They are having so much fun. A “few” older people have masks on and seem to be minding their own business. Definitely not celebrating.
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Do you know how hard it is to get glitter off of you? Of COURSE you do, and that is probably why so many people actually hate it. So the title is glitter bomb as there is an actual product that someone invented to prank people who steal Amazon packages. It is hilarious. I would be absolutely livid if a glitter bomb went off in my house. You would never get it all cleaned up.
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Now imagine for a minute that instead of a glitter bomb going off at that concert, instead it is … ready for it? You guessed it. It’s COVID. What are the odds that last night in Lincoln Nebraska at Memorial stadium that it was 100% COVID free and everyone was 100% vax’d. Exactly. Not possible. We know that at least one or two or even a hundred people had COVID and got glitter over everyone. And then they went and spread it around town, in their homes, offices, bars and clubs. And then it got onto airplanes and traveled to Vegas, NYC and Texas.
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You have to think of COVID like you do glitter. You don’t have to eat/breathe it to get it on you and spread it around. All it takes is ONE tiny piece of glitter on you and you got it. You’re not wearing a mask, and of course you touch your face. Well when you put it that way, I REALLY hate glitter. 90 THOUSAND fans all went to see Garth and all of them got glitter on them. Because glitter isn’t alive looking for a new host like COVID is.

A glitter bomb has just exploded in the heartland — Nebraska.

 

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Sense of Smell

Isn’t it funny how your sense of smell is directly related to your sense of taste? If you can’t smell you can’t taste. So if you lose one, you actually lose twice. So if you didn’t know, losing your sense of smell is your first indication you might have contracted the virus. Sadly, many people never regain their sense of smell, and others will have it dramatically affected with nasty smells or rotten aromas in their place. I watched a YouTube interview where there is a small percentage that smell rotten onions and they can’t taste anything. A whole year has gone by and there are no nice smells in their near future. Ever.
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While there are a lot of theories where the virus came from I have not heard any that this was created from an alien entity. Like, this is only the beginning and the next phase, after most of the population is wiped out, is the invasion. I was really hoping that some talented writers would have come up with some cool new movie story lines. Chris Pratt is in the new one on Amazon Prime, Tomorrow War. If you have Amazon I highly recommend watching it. I saw it twice. It actually is pretty believable. It is not a virus wiping us out movie, it is an alien invasion wipe us out movie. Totally different.
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What I think is super scary is … what if parents DON’T take precautions, and in a matter of weeks, thousands and thousands of children die quickly. I think it is scary that people who got the vaccine, like Reba McIntire, still caught the virus. Yeah, you heard that right. You are not immune or totally protected unless you are hyper diligent in keeping everything sanitary and sterile. All the stores have Lysol/Clorox wipes in stock. It is like the world forgot to keep using them. Hand sanitizer is literally on clearance in thousands of stores. Stock up, it’s not like it will go bad and you will never use it.

 

 

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Oh No!

So I am sad to report that one of my favorite YouTube beauty bloggers/reviewers has contracted COVID from her vaccinated husband. She did not get the vaccine for her own personal reasons, and now she is struggling to breathe, possibly live. You know how you spend a lot of time with your favorite personality, and after awhile you really feel like you know him/her? This is very common when someone binge watches their favorite show, or in my case, watched a ton of videos from one particular artist. This actually happens with a lot of my own readers who have been reading the blogs for years. Every now and then a fan/reader will approach me and tell me they know who I am and they read my blogs. I had one person once say she knew me because I write how she thinks. Some people even think like I think because they change or modify their own behaviors and ways of thinking.

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So rather than being negative, find a positive opportunity. As much I as I try to find something good from my YouTuber getting the virus, I just haven’t been able to come up with anything and it is just sad. SHE was careful. SHE didn’t go out in public, and yet, she had it personally delivered to her front door. So the only thing I can say is please be diligent in washing your hands, use those cleaning wipes everywhere and try not to go out in public. I don’t know about you, but I would be devastated if any of my little pups or kitty accidentally caught COVID and died.

Open those doors with your butt and stop touching door handles and stop touching your face. Especially if you aren’t wearing a mask. If you have the shot you are not immune to it, you are only “safer” that you won’t die from it. There are people who have the shot and are still getting the virus. Like that dipshit politician who I can’t care enough to repeat his name.

The new, Suicide Squad came out Friday. I’ll just say that it is NOT safe for kids and it is kind of bloody gruesome for a DC movie. Harley Quinn of course stars in it, alongside some military guy from the last movie. I can’t remember his name, but he played Officer Murphy in the Robocop reboot. So if you are headed to the theater you are really only there for the loud subs, big screen and popcorn. Don’t get too invested in this sad, but action packed killer. Jungle Cruise is actually a little more believable and quite a bit more entertaining.

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I’m Hungry

What if … we only ate “IF” we were actually hungry? Not, hey it’s lunchtime, let’s go destroy a 1000 calories and top it off with some sugary ice cream that will spike our blood sugar. Has it ever dawned on you that maybe you don’t need to eat all those fatty sugary high carb foods? As a kid you ate because you were told to eat. Guess what? Kids today are getting fatter and fatter and their parents actually encourage it. We can’t totally blame the parents, as those kids have choices and they choose to overeat. 666. That’s how many calories you should eat at 3 meals a day, for each meal. THAT is 2000 calories. Wow, when you put it that way, that 1200 calorie Starbucks double whatever extra shot extra caramel wasn’t really worth it now that you only get one more meal for the day. Or just do whatever the F you want because you didn’t get the shot, you don’t believe you are going to die, because you are INVINCIBLE! There is no such thing as a virus. WRONG. You are reading this and finally getting it that you aren’t as healthy as you once thought you were. You don’t need that hot milked hormone laced Starbucks. If you didn’t know, ALL Starbucks fancy drinks are made with milk. That’s right. Not water. Years ago when I found out I stopped drinking those mochas. Hot milk makes me literally sick. You really have to tell almost every restaurant that serves you that you are vegan so you don’t get unwanted “stuff”.
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Cheese, milk, anything from a cow has hormones in it. You don’t NEED extra hormones in your system. There is this thing called the endocrine system that will be screwed up. So, if you didn’t know, a cow produces milk when she has a baby cow. We know that right. Well, when they steal the baby cow from the momma cow, she is emotionally traumatized. Her milk, intended for her baby, is now given to YOU, along with her sad tears and emotions that were created when she produced that milk. I know that sounds crazy, but have you ever thought that maybe your shitty emotions you are feeling aren’t really your fault. You ingested sad, hurtful emotions and it is affecting you accordingly. But since you don’t know that, you get pills from a doctor to combat it, but in turn it just makes things worse. Just try not eating dairy/beef for awhile and you will see a significant difference in your health and emotional well being. Chew on that. What you eat and drink affect how you feel. Wow. Go eat a happy strawberry, or a golden delicious apple. The natural sugar will make your heart smile.

 

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Are you smarter than a … PhD?

Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader: Freshmen vs Sophomores – The Morgan  PawPrintSo if you didn’t watch television, then you wouldn’t know there is/was a show called “Are you smarter than a 5th grader?” Yeah, my title today is a take off of that and I want to point out that many people (like millions) think they are smarter than a fucking doctor. Yeah, WTF is that? I have a friend who dropped out of high school and because a “nurse” with a community college degree said she didn’t think the vaccination was real because it was created too soon — decided that HER half baked opinion was better than the CDC. Hmm. Yeah, he still doesn’t have his shot.

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Am I ridiculing and MASK shaming him? Fuck yeah I am. Am I shaming him for not finishing school? No. Shaming him because there are clearly smarter, more educated people (like me) who make much better life, health, career and financial decisions. I pointed out that I can understand that having no good role models can warp your decision making abilities, but I’m right here in front of you telling you to go get the shot. Get the shot. Save a life. Your own.

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My own brother refused to get the shot and then I said, “Well, you can’t come visit unless you have documented proof you are vaccinated.” Boom. 1st shot next day. Don’t make me have to manipulate you to get the shot. Wait, what? Just by reading this blog your perception has already changed, and you are laughing because you already got the shot. Sweet. Then this wasn’t meant for you. It was meant for you to share it with one of your own network “friends”.

 

 

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Tone of Voice

Have you ever noticed how you like one radio personality more than another? So maybe you don’t listen to the radio, but you listen to podcasts and YouTube, and some of you listen to Tik Tok. Have you also noticed that some voices just annoy the shit out of you? There literally are some voices that I have to turn down the volume so I am not annoyed by his/her voice. Thank God for closed captions right? For me, listening to a “guy” with a high pitched voice just doesn’t work for me. If you are one of those guys, no hate sent your way, not your fault. Just don’t be a show host or in a position talking with the public. I really tried to watch Jame Charles, the make up Cover Girl boy, … but I had to shut him up. I think he has a deviated septum or something because it doesn’t sound right. Yeah right, we all know it was probably too much coke.

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Did you ever see the movie “Love Potion #9”? Cute little movie where a nerdy scientist develops a potion that makes the opposite sex fall in love with you when they hear your voice. There actually is some science to it in real life. Some voices are just more pleasing to listen to than others, hence the reason rock stars and vocalists like Adele are millionaires. Remember Karen from Will & Grace? Yeah, another bad voice, and the funny thing is that wasn’t even her real voice. And her side kick Lesley, the short little old fairy; his voice was super obnoxious. Fortunately for me I have a deep baritone voice. Some of my readers tell me they can actually hear it when they read the blogs.

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Fun fact: In many of my past jobs my “voice” was used for telephone greetings, overhead paging, and closing announcements. I even had a friend ask me to record her answering machine greeting so people would hear man’s voice instead of a woman’s voice. I have such a wide range I can impersonate a woman’s alto voice and then quickly switch to my baritone voice.

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And ICYMI the Asian Hate Crime, massage parlor slaying … the killer (who I will not name) was sentenced to 4 life sentences and face charges of terrorism and hate crimes which could (hopefully) will result in the death penalty. And that pedophile Matt Gaetz, House Representative will face life in prison for sex trafficking. Crazy how you can go from a coveted high paying elected official to … sex convict. Don’t worry about being on that sex offender list buddy, you aren’t the predator anymore.

 

 

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Shame On You

I am not talking YOU personally should be shamed for doing or saying something, I am saying, have you been shamed? Fat-shamed? Look-shamed? Thin-shamed? SOMEONE at some point made you feel ashamed. Of course you have. Everyone in some fashion or another is made fun of by a bully or jerk. Maybe it was Miranda Priestly who made fun of your ugly blue sweater or your nasty black shoes, or maybe it was a coworker that laughed at your choice of handbag or backpack? Or as I mentioned in prior posts maybe it was a bro or a sister that felt he/she had to give their two cents. Guess what, you also have been discriminated against.
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OR maybe YOU were the person throwing shade. It happens. You can’t help it, you laugh at someone’s ugly fashion disaster and post it on social media as a meme. While it might sound I am condemning this type of behavior, it actually is a strong motivational factor when persuading people to improve their looks. Of course we can’t all look like super models, but you can get rid of that double chin and muffin top. Sometimes I see really unattractive people I and just wonder if they don’t have mirrors in their house. Hey if you never looked in a mirror you wouldn’t ever know you were unattractive, right? In theory that is.
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Have you done any research on fasting? Sure the first 24 hours is the hardest, but just imagine how the reality stars of Naked and Afraid tough it out. When you have a lower body fat percentage your face starts to get thinner and you lose that double chin. And if you suck in your cheeks in selfies, you appear to have a chiseled jaw/face. Swallow and hold … and your neck all of the sudden has had a neck lift. Wow. Magic. Nope, just selfie tricks. You literally only have to hold your breath for 1-2 seconds.

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And a shout out to “Nothing Bunt Cakes” in Westminster Colorado. You can buy a single person cake for like $5. So I bought 4. Yes I know they are all empty delicious calories, but everyone deserves a birthday cake or 4.

 

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10K Calories -> 100 or Less

So, would you like to know how you can go from 10,000+ calories a day to less than a hundred? So I don’t want to sound like Romy & Michelle, but I invented this fat free, basically calorie free diet that forced my body to shed all this excess fat/weight. “God I wish I had your willpower.” – Michelle Weinberger.
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When your body realizes you stopped giving it those fatty sugars, and no carbs it goes into survival mode and starts using those stored reserves. Yay, it’s that rainy day your body has been waiting for! I start by doing the 20 hour fast and then eating twice within a 4 hour window. I usually eat at 10 am and then 2 pm. I counted the calories and if you make an Asian wonton soup, with spinach, green onions and water chestnuts, it is less than 100 calories. Actually it is 78. Yes, you read that right.

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Fill that InstantPot full of clean water and boil away. If you need some protein you can throw in a shrimp or two and it won’t add too many calories. You can mix it up with other vegetables to have some variety. You aren’t starving your body, and you won’t feel hungry. If you have added collagen to your daily coffee, that should also help give you a more “full” feeling. As a snack I eat almonds and sunflower seeds (only a handful). Almonds are a great source of magnesium and protein. Nut protein should always be your go to snack. Try this for as long as you can stand it.

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A shout out to my new favorite YouTube personality, Thomas DeLauer. I highly suggest you check him out and watch a few videos. He is easy on the eyes also. He totally motivates me to grab the dumbells. I wish my biceps bulged like his.
If you want to make your soup more like hot and sour, splash in some Braggs apple cider vinegar and stir in an egg when it comes to a boil. The soup brand? I get it at the Asian market, Ocean Pacific, so it is pretty authentic. Dragon something? I think most of them are zero calories so pick one. Enjoy.

Yay it’s shark week! I just watched shark vs. tuna. Amazing. I love shark week. Crazy that they have been on this planet like forever.

 

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2000 A Day

2000 calories a day. That is all we are “recommended” to eat on a daily basis. Says who? Oh, the doctors, the professionals, Dr. Now (from My 600 pound life), dietitians, athletic people, coaches … basically everyone. Okay, cool. So why a blog about it? Because, everyone, including me is kind of going over that daily allotment and the world, as a whole, is getting fatter. It’s not healthy, it’s unattractive, and frankly someone needs to say something.

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Do you enjoy being fat? Do you like your clothes not fitting nicely? As my fat manager from AT&T once said, “You don’t have to tell fat people they are fat. They know it. They just get used to it and deal with it. But please don’t remind us we are fat.” I thought this was hilarious, as I used the exact same analogy for when an employee is late. It’s not like that employee all of the sudden looked up and said “Oh shit, I need to be at work like ten minutes ago.” Well, maybe some do, but more normal people know when they are supposed to be somewhere, like work … where the schedule is usually the same and the days off are also the same. In all fairness though, once I didn’t show up to work until 8 hours later, I was coded “No call no show”, but when I came in to “close” due to a schedule mix up/change, it was A-OKAY. Simple mistake. No need to fire Aaron.

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So, back to those 2000 calories. Well, when Arby’s put out that orange dreamsicle shake it was like, … a dream for me. I had one, or two a day. OMG so good. And yes, I kept eating like I was a growing teenager, eating whenever I wanted. Surprise, Dr. Now says you cannot eat 10,000 calories a day. What? No way. Yes. Way. Stop it. No chips. No sugary sodas. Some people can drink that ALL DAY LONG. You might as well just put an IV directly into your veins pumping in that much sugar all day long. Sugar is in everything. It is almost impossible to buy anything without sugar, … at a gas station convenience store. Red Bull and Monster drinks are totally off limits. Damn. I really liked my Red Bull vodkas back in the day, but you can imagine what that does to your system. An upper and an downer at once.

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So like most people locked up during COVID and no one to see my beach body, I packed on the pounds. No way. Way. Like 20 pounds. Can you imagine me 20 pounds heavier? Damn, I’d be almost as fat as my twin brother. Wait, he’s fatter than that. My abs turned to “flabs”. Fat – abs. Or so they say on Botched. So I needed to do something drastic, and unfortunately for me, those dreamsicle shakes had to go. I started by putting keto creamer in my coffee, which has MCT, grassfed butter, and Himalayan salt in it, which turbo charges your metabolism and helps you to burn fat faster. I also switched to a 24 hour fasting, which was kind of hard at first but the results have been amazing. I am happy to report that I shed those 20ish pounds and my 6 pack is ready for summer. I won’t bore you with the medical science behind keto diets, fasting, and putting MCT in your coffee daily. There are a ton of YouTube videos that will educate you nicely. IF you are going to start a fasting program, read/research the do’s and don’t so you don’t accidentally damage yourself. Switch to sunflower seeds as your go to snack. Drop those Twizzlers and Snickers. Switch to some variation of green tea. Lemons and honey are good for you.

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“Watch it wiggle. See it jiggle. Cool and fruity.” J.E.L.L.O.

Have you seen Goonies? Yeah, you don’t want to do the truffle shuffle either. Lose the fat. You don’t have to do a hundred sit ups, but you could maybe start with 10. 10 sit ups, not 10 jellos.

 

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